I Hate You So Much Right Now


Am I just an old hater? When did I become totally fucking incapable of expressing any sentiment in a sincere manner? Is it just because I used to work at the Lab store with Andy and Kyle, the two biggest haters on the planet? I literally just walk around seething all the time, it’s like I’m the only sensible human being left in a world full of horrible taste. Do people not understand the concept of gaudy and ostentatious? New York City is an endless all-out assault on the senses!

It’s like, Jesus! Good thing I’m crossing the street to avoid the pan-handler/Greenpeace people, only to be deafened by the screeching announcements of keeping my eyes open for suspicous packages. Ah at last, the F train! Now all I have to do is inhale this inescapable stench of urine! I hate you, my own body, for having to breathe in order to stay alive!

It’s like Led Zeppelin and Bob Marley: not inherently terrible (actually quite good, if you’re a pothead high-schooler), but it has become terrible due to the overwhelming tidal wave of douchebags who like it. Johnny Cash and the Pixies have gone the way of the Zep, and now when I see this shirt on anyone, it may as well read “Extreme Right-Wing Republican.”

Only OMD, “Training Day,” and Charles Schultz understand how I truly feel.


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