Archive for March 5th, 2006


Taking Breaks Only To Pee And Smoke


So my life is officially changed. As anyone who is similar to me will know, my vocal range does not lend itself to much karaoke power. Gordon Gano and Isaac Brock, I can handle your piddling range. Julian Casadouchecas, I can handle you too, maybe because your “singing” is actually half-asleep moaning into a distortion box (“I’m soooo tired, why don’t you come ovah heeahh” etc). Any of you dudes out there think you can handle “Heaven is a Place on Earth”? WRONG. WRONG. Impossible unless you can actually sing.

I finally found the karaoke bar in NY that I’m going to get married in. Japas 38, nigga! Not only do they have “Since U Been Gone” and “Behind These Hazel Eyes” (sold!) but dudes have NOT ONE, NOT TWO, NOT THREE, but FOUR YES COUNT THEM FOUR songs from Weezer’s Pinkerton.

AAAAAAHHHH!!! Just so you know, “El Scorcho, the Good Life, Pink Triangle, Across The Sea.” ACROSS THE SEA! I’m going to be singing the like 5 key changes in the instrumental bridge. Too bad there’s no Tired of Sex and Falling For You, but if they had it, I would have nothing to look forward to in heaven:

Rivers: Hey woody, I’m not feeling too confident about this performance, would you like to take over vocal duties for a few songs?
Woody: Sure thing, bearded Rivers circa leg operation, though I don’t think I’m as good as you are some of the howling “whoas!” on Tired of Sex.
Rivers: Don’t worry Woody, I’ll co-yell on the anguished screams of that incendiary cut.
Woody: What a “perfect situation!”
(the 2 high five, God looks on while nodding approvingly and making the “hang ten” motion with his hand)